nut hugger
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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