Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
two words: eviction party
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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