She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
