I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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