I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
