Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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