sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
