There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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