Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize