Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
