In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
