remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
