I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
