By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
