ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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