Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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