This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
