I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
