We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
