Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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