one might say we're banned from that church
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
