You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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