I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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