New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish you could order shots online.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
