is wine microwaveable?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
