Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.