Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.