shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.