I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i love accidental penises.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-