You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night