Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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