thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
