it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips