we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
