Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were trust falling into bushes
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