you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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