I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will pee on everything he values.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
