i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
