I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize