i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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