Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
