great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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