I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
