i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
