i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
