K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
