I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
