even my farts smell like vagina
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
