Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
two words: eviction party
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
