She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
