Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize