My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
