the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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