Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
