I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
