as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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