your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
