Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My pussy is not your playground.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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