Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
two words: eviction party
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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