did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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