i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
