I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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