i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
