Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
