Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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