Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
