So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
