k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
