do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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