used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize