Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
